Monday, 1 February 2016

January Trends

I've decided to become a lifestyle guru.
What inspired me?
Procrastination. I have 8 hours to write an essay.
Lifestyle guru has always been my career goal. Along with other useless occupations, like YouTuber, blogger, stylist, socialite, motivational speaker, etc.
So i'm rebranding myself. Everything is gonna be very pastel. I'll dye my hair an unnatural colour. I'll be even more pretentious. I'll pretend that anyone cares. Are you ready?

Aprox. 13 minutes ago I got an idea about a tangerine clove necklace. I don't know whatcha call it in English, but it's like a tangerine clove made out of glass or maybe ceramics, on a chain. After a few seconds of searching on Pinterest and other internets I couldn't find one, so I guess I'm a business genius and will make one soon (unless England doesn't have 'modelling material').

So one of my trends for January is fruit jewellery. After looking on Etsy I realised that most fruit in general as jewellery looks cool, and we shouldn't judge fruit because all fruit are beautiful.

Avocado necklace, hand-made by local artisans, £18,08 on Etsy

Lemon pin, hand-made by local artisans, £21,69 on Etsy

Watermelon necklace (bronze), £18,08 on Etsy

There's dozens of amazing fruit jewellery items that'll get you ready for January, even ones made out of real fruit!

My second trend of the month is capes (also known as ponchos or Harry Potter cloaks). Capes are amazing. They're literally a blanket that you can throw over your pyjamas and just go to class. They're perfect for every occasion: weddings, house arrest, one night stands, lectures, funerals, Mary-Kate and Ashley costume for Halloween and so on. I bought these two capes from Topman and they're amazing.

Black Check Texture Cape, £15 on Topman

Charcoal/Black Double Cape, £15 on Topman

Burgundy Black Double Face Cape, £15 on Topman

Black Hooded Cape, £15 on Topman

I'm OBSESSED with this hand-crafted painting shopper tote bag by local artisan Van Gogh. With my capes and this bag I almost completed my transition into a metaphorical woman. It's perfect for occasions like: carrying, capacity, cigarettes keys and wallet and so on.

Cfanny Women's Van Gogh Painting Shopper Tote, £10,99 on Amazon

My book of the month is Crush by Richard Siken. Poetry is very in right now, and Siken just fucks you up whilst talking about relationships, men and gay stuff. It's very deep and poetic yet not pretentious. In 2004 it won the Yale Younger Poets prize.

Richard Siken, "Crush", £10.99 on Amazon

My app of the month is "Neko Atsume", an Asian-inspired kitty collector where one collects cats. Scientists say it's good for developing memory, logic, parapsychology and marine biology skills, so I will definitely be buying it for my childrens!

You can download Neko Atsume for the very low price of Free on iTunes

Song of the month is "Gentleman Who Fell" by Milla Jovovich. Mostly known as a folk singer with a debut album "The Divine Comedy" released in 1994, she came to prominence after I posted a video of her on my facebook fan page. It's fun, it's hip, it's happening.

You can buy Gentleman Who Fell on YouTube

Also, this month I'm really into vegetarianism. Food is, frankly speaking, boring, abundant and low-value. I recommend the "Writer's diet", which consists of coffee and cigarettes. Alas, one cannot only survive on coffee and cigarettes alone, so I suggest buying things like apples and tangerines and bananas, also greek yoghurt. Quinoa, red lentils, beluga lentils and couscous is also a good alternative. And for dessert peanut butter is an amazing and delicious option.

A still from Coffee and Cigarettes