2. I’m trying to serve two customers at once, so if I’m making direct eye contact and addressing you by your assumed gender (I don’t like it either, but turns out, people only seem to care about this online), then yes, the person in front of you has already been served, and is waiting for either their drink or food, and yes, you can order.
3. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but saying hello doesn’t seem so difficult, really. It’s called manners, and we usually learn them at a young age. But apparently not all of us.
4. The menu is behind me in big, bold letters, and Simple English. Yes, we do have decaf, and we do have non-dairy alternatives.
5. God, why did I say customer service is my passion during my job interview.
6. There are 11 different coffees, and most of them can be made iced. If you order “a coffee”, I’m just gonna assume you want a medium Americano.
7. I work in a kiosk the size of my unfulfilled potential. Every coffee is take away, sir.
8. You can leave all your rubbish, it’s okay, I love cleaning after people.
9. Me as a consumer: thank god this coffee shop is open at midnight!
10. Me as an employee: why the fuck are we open at midnight??
11. Should I go back on my meds?
12. I can’t erase his smile from my head. Truth is, I’m not entirely sure if I want to.
13. It’s my first job where people can leave me tips, so rest assured I’m gonna flirt like heck with you. And I’m sorry about that.
14. The card reader is not ready to accept your payment whenever you decide to whip out your Amex. It needs to be activated. Please tell me you’re paying by card, if you want this to be over with quicker. I know I do (meaning life).
15. I don’t know which train goes to Lincolnshire. I don’t even remember which bus I took today. I work at a coffee shop, not the train station.
16. Why am I like this?? The customers are probably used to being asked if it’s eat in or take away, and are trying to make it easier for me.
17. This morning, I weighed all the pros and cons, I counted every small child and baby, and I still wanted this bus to crash.
??. Now your scent on my pillow’s faded, at least you left me with something.
十八. I don’t know why a bottle of water costs so much, madam. I don’t determine the prices. I don’t think I ever met the people who do. This is London, Zone 2 (pre-Brexit).
19. I’m supposed to make every customer leave with a smile, so consider this: at least you’re not me!
Thank you, enjoy!
